*precisely determines where i should take the next bite of my sandwich*
i’m thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many damn likes you get on a picture
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
Before coming to college, I knew that I wanted to feel like I belonged. I wanted people to recognize me on campus meet people and make connections. I loved the feeling growing up in small schools when students and teachers really knew me as a person. I even remember the first time in the ninth grade that an upperclassman told me that he had “heard of me” when I was introducing myself. I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
That was my biggest hesitation in choosing a college. That’s why I looked into so many small, private schools. I loved that feeling. Of not getting lost. However I can honestly say that I have somehow managed that in my two years among 20,000 undergrads. I really don’t know how exactly it happened, but I really do feel like I belong here. I have this great memory of riding my bike through campus freshman and looking around and thinking that this is my school. It’s little things like that that remind me how happy I am. People know me on campus and I have a lots of people who I can go to for help on almost anything that I can think of. I feel like I am really taken care here, despite the size. It feels really personal to me.
Now that I am applying for medical school, I feel like I am starting all over again in a way. I feel like I am just another name in a stack of applications of over-achieving, brilliant students who all fantastic on paper. It makes me wonder how I stand out and what makes me a real person. I don’t have enough shadowing hours. I have friends with hundreds and hundreds and internships and shadowing programs, and I look silly with my little two digit number on that slot. Now that my test is over, I’m trying my best to catch up. I know it is too late for it to make it on my application, but I am going to have over a month’s worth of intense shadowing to talk about. I’m trying to do as much as I can to show them that I am serious and not a silly child like other applicants with my number of hours. People have been overwhelmingly helpful these past few weeks along the way though. I have been given unbelievable opportunities and experiences these past couple days that I never dreamed that I would do or even enjoy at the beginning of the summer.
I’m wondering now though, why people are being so nice to me. Why are they going out of their way so much to get me in surgeries, and to make sure I have scrubs, and to add me to emailing lists, and inviting me to luncheons and clinics and round and switching me to different departments and telling residents and med students to look out for me and let me stick with them. It is literally overwhelmingly nice. I feel like a little pre med princess. But what did I do to ever deserve this treatment by such busy people?
Do they know me? Did I do something when meeting them and briefly talking to them? I am honestly just trying to stay out of the way and not cause anyone any trouble. And to be pleasant and not socially awkward. Those were simple goals. There was an embarrassing mix up with some scrubs last week and I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t find anyone who helped me earlier and I think I made a nurse mad and then I couldn’t even find my way out of the OR suite and had to ask the mad nurse how to find the exit even. So I was going to try to get my crap together before I asked to go back. So I wouldn’t cause anyone any more problems. And the surgeon literally just emailed me asking about my experience and that I should come back and he will find me a pair of scrubs to keep and just take home and wash myself. I know that surgeon had tons of better things to do than check up on me, so I just thought that was incredibly nice.
The OB/Gyn department is treating me awesome too. I’m working with the third year med students who are currently in that rotation right now and am learning things with them as they get ready for their shelf exam at the end of the week. I literally have learned soooo much. Who knew that Gyn could be so much fun?
I don’t know. People are just awesome. My love for the people at my school has been renewed, and I hope I will continue to have this feeling in med school someday. Feeling like people really care about me and that I belong. Because what’s better than that, right?